Author: Kris Valdez

Last week was my daughter’s last concert of the school year. She’s a rock star drummer, at least in my eyes and as much as a budding 7th grade girl can be. In our town, we have a beautiful outdoor amphitheater where even famous musicians come to play in the summer. However, on this night, it was filled with middle school students staring into the setting sun as their young director tried madly to keep the wind from blowing the sheet music away in the evening breezes.

Unfortunately, my husband had to work, so it was me and the boys headed to the concert. As most parents know, kids come with gear, lots of it. Being a mom should come with the same job description as the sherpas hauling people up to the top of Mount Everest. The description should state, even after you no longer need to carry a diaper bag, the items you need to carry for your children will only get heavier as your kids get older.

Along with our camping chairs for the outdoor concert, each of my kiddos not in the concert insisting on bringing entertainment along because unassigned seating in an outdoor concert can get a little cutthroat with parents jostling for the best spot to record the evening events with their phones. We had to be prepared to stake our claim of land for at least 40 minutes before the start of the seven minute concert. (And who said the great land grab in the western United States was over?)

My youngest insisted on bringing his toy rhinoceros. It has no moving parts, no noise making capabilities and my heart was filled with joy as we would not be the ones receiving dirty looks from other parents for disrupting the concert with the electronic call of a plastic animal. Even with all these positives, I asked my youngest if he thought he would keep track of his rhino. With a positive affirmation on his part, we began hauling all the camping chairs, bags, books, and toys for entertainment from the back of the car to the concert venue.

Upon arriving at our staked out piece of real estate, the entertainment items so carefully chosen were soon forgotten as my kids spotted friends, the concession stand and their sister warming up to the side of the stage. They then proceeded to run down and tackle her in their excitement.

Instead of having a yard sale of items around our camping chairs, I picked everything up and stuck it in my bag to allow for other parents to crowd in around us before the start of the concert. When our daughter’s seven minutes of fame were up, we repacked our gear, now with her additional hand to get it back to the car, we headed for home. It was at this minute of trying to wrestle kids into car seats and seatbelts, my youngest, yelled, “Wait, I forgot my rhino! We need to go back for my rhino!” “Don’t worry, I’ve got your rhino,” I replied. “I need to see it. I need to make sure you really have it, Mom,” came the response from the back of the car. I opened my bag to show him, I indeed did have his rhino in my purse, aka, sherpa bag.

God’s Word states, “Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” Psalm 55:22, NLT. God will pick up our burdens, even when we forget about them or try to take care of them ourselves. I’m still learning to trust God even though He has shown me over and over again that I can.

Just like my son asking for proof that I had his rhino, many times I ask the same of God. Sometimes I get an answer to prayer the same day, other burdens I’m still waiting for God to handle even though I’ve been praying for years. But, I know if I can gladly carry a rhino in my purse, God can carry my burdens too. Are there burdens you need to let God carry?

You may have noticed that this blog has been sitting dormant for quite some time. See, I have been sick. Actually, to say I have been sick this winter and spring would be an understatement. To say that this has impacted my life and those around me wouldn’t do the last few months justice. This time of sickness has made me begin to think about my life balance.

I’m known by those closest to me that I like to go Mach 2 with my hair on fire to steal a line from one of my favorite 80’s movies. Everyone around me says I move fast and I’m not happy unless I have that adrenaline rush going through my system.

This made me wonder as my body was forcing me to rest, whether I liked it or not, where is God in all my rushing and adrenaline searching life? Have I really taken to heart, “Be still and know that I am God…” from Psalms 46:10? Even when I’m still, I admit the daily “To Do List” and things I haven’t yet added to the list cloud my brain.

I’m one that journals my prayers to God. If I don’t, my mind wanders down each bunny trail that hops in my head and rarely do I get back on track with my original reason for getting on my knees.

The point in all these ramblings is where is God in all my craziness? How much of my craziness is self imposed because I love the adrenaline rush? What would happen if I let go and allowed God to work out my problems rather than strategize at 2 am on how to get over or around the latest obstacle in my path? What if I let God handle those obstacles and instead I pray for wisdom on whether I should be going over them, around them, or blow them up?

Instead of learning to survive the day, dragging those along with me, one begrudging step at a time, what would happen if I learned to thrive in spite of the troubles and obstacles around me?

The Lord did not come so we could live life with our heads down, shoulders rolled under weight of all that is asked of us. John 10:10 says, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (NKJV)

Slowly, oh, so very slowly, in small baby steps, I’m learning to let go and live this life with trust in the Lord while asking for wisdom on my roles in sometimes those self imposed obstacles. I strive to feel that spiritual abundance that God has promised us. When I choose to spend time alone with God, asking for wisdom over and over again as if on repeat play in my iPod, He whispers to me, “Trust me, I’ve got this.”

Is there something in your life that you need to hear God say, “I got this?” Because He does.

What happens when we step out in our own timing and don’t wait on God? Sometimes a bad haircut, sometimes worse.

The other night, our youngest was taking a bath and announced his hair was too long so he needed a haircut. Never mind that he’d gotten a haircut three weeks ago. We also live in a rural area, so going to town for a haircut is at least a half day affair on the weekend. With this time commitment in mind, I said we’d get the haircut in a few weeks. So, I thought the matter was settled because he didn’t mention it again while getting ready for bed.

Cue the dramatic music and around 9:30 pm, my little one pops out of his room stating he needed to use the bathroom. I’m hopping out of bed (yes, I’m normally in bed at 9:30 pm) so proud of him for getting up to use the bathroom after I thought he was asleep. One look at his hair as he raced to the bathroom told a different story. Sleep was obviously not on his agenda that night, but a haircut was. Instead, as a right of passage that every one of my children has gone through, there stood before me was my youngest child with a unique, self-created haircut with no cosmetology school required.

I asked him if he cut his hair. He shook his head no, denying the evidence so plainly on display. I inquired again if he had cut his hair. Then came the confession, “Yes, mom, I’m sorry, but it needed to be cut.”

Instead of waiting for a professional haircut and trusting me to make an appointment when I told him I would, he took matters into his own hands. Thus began my thought process on how this related to my relationship with God.

As I took a scissors to my son’s hair doing my best to fix the problem at hand, also without any cosmetology training, and praising God that class picture day was the week before, I realized how many times I hadn’t trusted God to create my haircut appointment, figuratively speaking.

When I lose faith and trust in my Creator that He truly has the best waiting for me on the other side of the valleys in my life, I take matters into my own hands and my own timing which is when things really go haywire. Instead of trust, I assume the worst and believe that God has left me on my own to figure it out. In Jeremiah 29:11, the promise of hope in the valleys of life couldn’t be more apparent, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (NIV)

I’ve clung to this verse many times when the valleys of my life seem endless and to outsiders there appears to be little hope of victory. However, we can stand firm in this promise of God that no matter how tough times are and how low the valleys seem between the victorious mountain peaks, God has us in His hand and has amazing plans for us, if we wait on His timing or He even extends unlimited grace when we don’t wait on His timing.

Now, if I could just figure out how to make my son’s hair grow faster.

Sometimes we put pressure on ourselves with the word, “should.” For example, I should workout, I should eat healthier, or I should stop gorging myself on another Netflix marathon after a long, exhausting week at the office. It’s not that any of these things are good or bad (my doctor may beg to differ however), but when we put the word should in from of them, it changes our mindset about them.

Imagine instead of Jesus thinking that he has the privilege of laying down His life for us; He said I really should do this for all future believers. What a difference this creates in the picture of His willingness to give up His life for us. Instead of it being a gift he so lovingly presents us with it becomes an obligation.

Picture the “should’s” in your life right now. For me, my “should” used to be carving out quite time with God, instead of looking to this time as a place to reflect, refresh and renew, it became a “should” that I could check off the box of my daily Christian walk. Instead of allowing my time to mean something, it became a legalistic view of my obligation to God. I’ve spent my time with God, now I can go on with my day and do my own thing.

Instead of seeing this time as a “should,” I began to look at it as a privilege. I remember hearing in sermon at church, that the moment we begin praying, we have spiritually entered the throne room of God. Imagine that! We are all just a prayer away from being next to God. This is a privilege indeed. I’m allowed to hold court with the King of Kings anytime I want through the day or night.
Instead of “shoulding” my quiet time in the morning, it has become my privilege to spend time with God, not just in the morning, but continually throughout the day and even at night when the pressures of life don’t allow me to sleep. Are there areas in your life where you need to stop “shoulding?” Please share them in the comments.

Growing up, I remember my parents asking me about my biggest fear. I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s Cadillac sinking into the soft, cream-colored interior running errands after church. I’m sure the sermon that day had to do with fear because that was the topic of conversation in the car that sunny cold, Minnesota morning.

Fear is the most prolific topic in the Bible, so it stands to reason God knew we would be fearful at times. In the book of Joshua, as Moses is passing the leadership staff, so to speak, God says to Joshua,“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV, when Joshua is fearful about taking over the staff from Moses to lead the Israelites to the Promise Land. After all, he had big sandals to fill.

I find it reassuring that one of the first things God says to Joshua is to not be afraid. So what does this have to do with my fear and the title of this post, Failure is Good? My answer is everything! When my parents asked me my biggest fear, I responded with one word, failure. I didn’t want to fail at anything, which since that was my biggest fear and we have a tendency to focus on what we fear, it had come to fruition, over and over again. I’ve failed at lots of things since my parents asked me that question when I was young, some in spectacular fashion and some in small, sad little ways that I and God know about.

What I struggle with and maybe you do to, is failure is necessary to succeed. It sounds counterintuitive, but failure actually increases our likelihood of achieving what we’ve been called to do. The ability to fail with grace, humility, and humor to identify lessons learned as we go through it, can only move us forward. Some of the biggest warriors and heroes in the Bible started out as failures. God can work with us wherever we are at, which gives me tremendous courage and I hope it does for you too.

Where I have a tendency to get stuck, is working through the failure in my head over and over again. Thinking, “Oh, I should have said this or I should have done that,” when in reality I needed to trust God more and rely on myself less because He will always guide me. However, I’m gradually learning with failure comes the ability to learn grace. God freely extends grace and forgiveness when we ask, but I struggle with extending those same qualities to myself. I haven’t mastered this yet, but God has patience with me and he has patience, love and acceptance for you too.

What do we do when we don’t meet our expectations? Are we willing to extend ourselves grace? Recently, I was extended grace by the deputy that pulled me over. Yes, I was going above the speed limit and had no idea how fast I was going. I wasn’t even trying to get anywhere except home after a long day at the office!

Instead of being present in that moment of driving, I was going back over a rather terrible day at work. After I had been pulled over, sitting on the side of the road, being the reason people slowed down to gawk, I picked up my phone to kill time while the deputy went back to his car. There on my phone was an email apology from the client that I believed was in the wrong earlier in the day. I received it as I was wondering if the deputy sitting in my rearview mirror was going to issue me a ticket.

Honestly, I didn’t realize how long traffic stops took. The last time I was pulled over was in college. I sat there wondering about how I had put myself in this position and mentally beating myself up that I wasn’t paying attention. If I had been present, instead of reliving the chewing out I received at work earlier in the day because of a client that realized later he was in the wrong, I would have realized I was speeding.

It’s tough to let go, when we feel like we’ve been wronged. I felt wronged by my client and my colleagues who didn’t get all the facts before criticizing the entire project team. I was living in the past moment and I didn’t keep an eye on my speed. However, the deputy showed me grace and issued me a written warning, rather than the ticket I more than likely deserved.

Now I needed to make a decision, would I extend grace to my client whom I allowed to make my day tough and my colleagues who felt pressured to appease a client rather than assume the project team had done our best by the client? Would I also extend grace to myself as I asked God to forgive me as I was sitting in my car waiting on the deputy?

I believe God has called us all to extend grace and forgiveness. In Colossians 3:13, it says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (NIV)

While it’s not easy, it’s the right thing to do. Also, remember to be present while driving or risk the possibility of a speeding ticket.

By this time in February every year, it seems like New Year’s Resolutions have already fallen by the wayside; the hope of working out everyday is now embodied in the exercise bike sitting in the corner now being used as a drying rack for clothes. The goal of eating healthy has disappeared with the Super Bowl party, especially if your team was in the big game.

However, instead of looking at what we’ve already lost or failed at in 2016, what if we looked at what we’ve already gained?

I’m referring to valuing what we all have inside ourselves. Imagine that the body we want to change through exercise to fit the ideal image in our mind, is great just the way it is. I know that goes contrary to what the world and glossy magazines show us, but what if we just accept ourselves as we are. This is not an excuse to disregard the doctor’s advice or not take care of ourselves. This is a call to action to love ourselves right where we are at and moving forward.

I challenge all of us to write down five things we like or are thankful about our bodies. Even if the voice in your head is telling you there is nothing to love about yourself, please consider some items such as, “I have feet that can take me where I want to go,” “I have arms that I use to hug other people,” or “I have hands that held someone else up when they needed support.”

Here are my five items:
I’m thankful my body has carried three children. The stretch marks shows the tiger earning her stripes.
I’m thankful for my mind as it solves problems and figures out ways to referee children everyday.
I’m thankful for my back that still allows me to move and do most of the things I want even after three surgeries.
I’m thankful for my hands as they allow me to type and share my thoughts with others that hopefully enriches their lives.
I’m thankful for my arms. They allow me to hug and hold those I love.

Imagine if we changed our perspective from the faults we find in the mirror to the positives that we can use our body for without even taking one step into a gym. Imagine how our perspective would change towards ourselves. Instead of loathing and defeating language to tear ourselves down, our internal dialogue changes to one of love and acceptance.

When we learn to love ourselves, imperfections and all, we can learn to be more present, rather than continually striving for the unattainable vision of perfection in our lives.

The beautiful thing about the a new year is the offering of a clean slate. It’s the opportunity for all of us to start over, let go of the past and look forward to the future. However, does this take into account the present? In the rush of the holidays, New Year’s resolutions, making 2016 the best year yet, some of us have already fallen off the wagon of change. As a matter of fact, the second week in February is when most people give up on resolutions or commitments made in January. In this, we have lost the present.

Goals are supposed to be S.M.A.R.T., meaning they are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. I’m not saying, goals are unimportant, on the contrary, study after study has shown written goals are more likely to be obtained. However, I wonder, in all the goal setting and sometimes failing, have we lost track of what it means to accept ourselves as we are? What if we took 2016 and moved forward from where we are at? Is it possible to stop beating ourselves up over past mistakes, where our idea of how things should have gone didn’t meet the reality of what we expected? Are we able to let go of the future and what could be and leave it up to God?

I ask myself, do I trust God enough to allow Him to handle my present? Do I trust Him enough to know that He is working out some of the bad choices in my life for His glory? I wish my answer was always “yes” to these questions. Unfortunately, many times I don’t see God working in my timeline, so I lose faith that things are working out. I can stand on the promise in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (NKJV)

With this in mind, who am I to question a God when my life takes a 90 degree turn from the bumper car of life? Who am I to question a God who knows all and sees all? Because I’m human that’s why.

God understands I’m human and loves me anyway. Go figure. He understands you’re human too. With all our idiosyncrasies and quirks, He loves us more than anything else He created. We are the apple of his eye. I challenge you to say out loud, “I’m God’s favorite. I’m God’s favorite.” What does that do for our confidence that He has everything under control? Because, guess what, you are His favorite and He does have it under control!