My cell phone flew out of my hand as the words “STOP, ejected from my mouth. A crunch of metal and glass braking was the response. My thoughts rattled around my head as I worked to make sense of what happened. We’d been hit broadside by a truck without headlights at an intersection with a broken streetlight.
The culmination of these factors resulted in us being unable to see the navy blue truck as it drove down the highway and made a left-hand turn. My husband was able to move our truck out of the intersection so we didn’t get hit again by oncoming traffic, which couldn’t see us in the dark.
While I called 911, my fear and anxiety rose as the other driver tried to leave the accident scene. Thankfully, his truck was in equally bad shape and had become undrivable, but it didn’t stop him from moving it farther down the road until the truck quit.
My kids’ cries had turned to whimpers, tearing at my heart more than the crying. Yet, they were putting on a brave face.
Our truck that we had sent in the last payment on Monday before the accident was totaled. There was no saving it. The truck had done its job and saved our family, but one kiddo came away with a concussion. He and I rode to the hospital in the back of the ambulance. After X-rays and CT scans, we were cleared to go home with some bumps and bruises.
To this day, I hate that intersection. It’s located at the entrance to our neighborhood, so there is no avoiding it. My pulse races when I need to make a left-hand turn. I worry the accident will repeat itself. The intersection is notorious for accidents, and when our little town has the money, I’ve been told it’s at the top of the list for improvements. Unfortunately, the future enhancements don’t help me with my fear and anxiety.
Fear and anxiety. Anxiety and fear. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. Or peas and carrots. Or the sun and the moon. Or the water and sand. We can’t have one without the other, except for the peanut butter and jelly when my kids put an empty jelly jar back in the fridge. So then, I only have peanut butter.
I want to preface this post by saying I am not a licensed therapist. I am not a person who is an expert in mental health. I also did not sleep at a Holiday Inn last night. If you don’t know the Holiday Inn commercial, look here.
My advice comes from the heart of a person who’s been through a little bit of hell, and I’ve come out singed but still moving forward. I’ve visited numerous counselors over the years. Therapy and I are a little like peas and carrots. We’ve gone well together over the years.
For me, fear and anxiety stem from a lack of trust. Being hurt by those closest to me over the years had led me to have difficulting trusting. It might be a lack of trust in those around me. It might be a lack of trust of those in authority over me. I can’t be sure if people in authority have my best interests at heart.
However, the most significant loss I feel is when I don’t trust God. My fear and anxiety are magnified when I try to make things happen in my timing and through my efforts. I fear that I haven’t been a good mom. I fear I haven’t been a good wife. I fear I haven’t been enough for God.
These fears then translate into anxiety. The anxiety of striving to do better, be more and do more things. My to-do list gets more extensive, and all I feel is exhaustion. Then the fatigue fuels the fear that I’m not doing enough, which leads to more anxiety. It creates a cyclical relationship that is not healthy for me. Aren’t you glad you’re not inside my head? It’s a busy place.
My anxiety stems from the lies of the enemy. The enemy tries to convince us that we are not enough for God.
We are enough already.
I want to say that again, so the people in the back hear me. We are enough for God.
We can come before Him with our battered souls looking for refuge and relief. There’s nothing more we need to do to earn His love. We only need to love Him in return. So be obedient to His Word. And pursue the calling He has placed in each one of our lives.
In my experience, when I’m stepping outside of my calling and stepping away from God’s will is when I have my greatest fear and anxiety crawl through me. It’s when I haven’t laid down my desires and my dreams at Jesus’ feet.
This might not be the case for everyone, but this is the case for me. When I feel like God is calling me to do something and I run in the opposite direction because the thing He is asking me to do is too scary. It’s in the running away when God gets my attention.
I’ve never spent three days in the belly of a fish, but I have spent time being disciplined by God. He doesn’t discipline me because He’s mad at me. Instead, he disciplines me because He loves me too much to leave me alone.
Assuming you are a Christian, God is pursuing you too. God will not force His way into our lives, but when we invite Him into our daily thoughts and feelings, He shows up in a big way. He may not answer our prayers the way we want or hope, but God has a bigger plan for our lives than we can imagine.
Fear is an effective tool for the enemy. It’s one he’s wielded since time began. And he’s only gotten better at using it. The good news? He is already defeated. He is not allowed to control our minds and our thoughts. If we have the Holy Spirit in our hearts, no other spiritual being can live there. We can push him and his lies out of our lives. Fear and anxiety can have a grip on our lives that seems unbreakable. But we can break the cycle. Here are five steps to put us on the road to recovery:
- Pray. If you’ve struggled with fear and anxiety as I have, you’ve probably heard of doing this step before. The reason it’s first is that it’s the most critical step in the process. Praying is simply reaching out to God and asking for help. If you’re at a point where words are beyond you, God even listens to our groanings, can understand them, and answer them. He wants to help us in our troubles, but we must ask for help. First, we have to engage with Him. I engage with God by writing my prayers down. I also work to communicate with Him throughout the day. In a recent blog post, I talked about how I train myself to think of God every time I pick up my phone throughout the day.
- Pursue. Get into God’s Word. Yes, here’s this piece of advice again. Read God’s love letter to you. It is a love letter. Some of the Old Testament is hard to read or understand. Like why is there so much violence? But the Old Testament is a cautionary tale of why we must always walk with God. When I read the Bible, I see God as giving the descendants of Abraham all the chances to be obedient. God was more tangible and evident in the Old Testament than He might be today. When the Israelites were leaving Egypt, they didn’t have the advantage of the written Bible. They were following Moses. A guy that had been exiled from Egypt for killing a guard. When Moses returned to Egypt to free them, the Israelites didn’t trust him. Moses had to cast a vision for them of freedom born out of God’s will for all of us. They eventually followed Moses because they saw God’s power in the plagues brought onto Egypt. The Israelites could see God at work. He parted the Red Sea to aid in their escape. They followed a pillar of fire at night, guiding them to Promise Land. A pillar of fire! As a former firefighter, God is speaking my love language of following a fire. He fed them daily with mana and eventually birds. The Israelites could see God’s presence. Yet, as time passed, they forgot all God had done for them. We can forget all God has done for us too. We need reminders by staying in God’s Word to witness how God has shown up in the Bible. We also need to track how God shows up in our lives. I keep track of this in my gratitude and prayer journals. Yes, I have quite a few journals I write in daily. When I travel, one side of my suitcase is filled with journals and books. Making the luggage weight limit is always challenging, but it is worth keeping track of everything God has done for me.
- People. Get with people. Yes, those introverts in the room are cringing right now. But finding a support system of like-minded people will help immensely with combating fear and anxiety. It could be one other person. It shows us we are not alone. The Bible says in Matthew 18:20 (NIV). “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” where two or more are gathered, the Lord is in their presence.” God did not expect us to do this life alone. He wants us to be part of a community. He wants us to form bonds where He is the tie that binds us. I’m not talking about romantic relationships here. I’ve noticed my friendships with nonbelievers are different than those with believers. It doesn’t mean my friendships are any less, but there is a deeper connection with believers. We have an eternal bond. We know our lives are connected through a loving Savior. We can hold each other up. Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NLT) says, “If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” Ask God to bring people into your life that will help you grow closer to Him. Ask for friends who put God first in their lives. I’m putting a word of caution here. People are not perfect. We can’t look for them to be perfect. The only perfect person to walk this Earth was Jesus. He alone can heal our wounds. However, some people walk alongside us on the journey to wholeness with God.
- Praise. Fear and anxiety shrink when we praise our God. Praise looks different for everyone. One person may sing praise during the worship portion of the church service in a room full of people on a Sunday morning. Another person views pouring out their praise as a quiet time journaling their hearts to God. Other people praise through being in nature, taking in all God has created. The point is God has uniquely designed us for our own worship. There isn’t a right or wrong way to worship as long as it is in keeping with His Word. We need to cry out to God from our bondage and let go of the fear that is locking our hearts. In the Old Testament, we see God allowing His people to be taken into bondage by neighboring countries. God didn’t want to let this happen, but the people had hardened their hearts to God’s leading and instruction. Before you say, well, God doesn’t sound very nice. Why would He put His people through that? He did it because He loved them. He loved them enough to allow them to make their own choices. Choices that brought them closer to God and choices that took them further away. Our daily choices have the same outcome. We either take one step closer to God, or we take one step farther away. When we praise, it takes us one step closer to God. I understand praising God in our fear and out of our anxiety is easier said than done. No amount of my writing skills can wave a magic wand to make it all better. There are times when we need specialized help. This leads me to point number five.
- Professional. Seek help from a professional. One of the words used to describe God is the Counselor. He guides our lives. He provides guidance when we ask for it. He places people in our lives to help us draw closer to Him on our journey. Counseling has gotten a bad rap in the Christian community. I’m not sure why some people look down on getting professional help during times of trouble, but God was the one that started counseling. He is the original Counselor. I’ve seen different counselors over the years in some form or fashion. When fear, anxiety, and hurt threaten to swallow you whole, it’s time to seek out a professional.
My heart still races when I approach the intersection of our accident, but it reminds me to lift up a prayer to God for safe travel and a statement of praise when I make a successful left-hand turn to head out of our neighborhood. I haven’t conquered fear and anxiety in all areas of my life, but I use these five steps as a roadmap to victory. So how do you overcome your fear and anxiety?