“Pants! You need pants!” I shouted. My eyes glanced outside at the snow peacefully falling, but my insides were boiling enough to melt the new snow. “We are leaving in five minutes for school. Jeans are necessary on a snowy day.”
“They’re too tight. I can’t make it on the stairs to the second floor. I’ll never make it to my classroom.”
He wasn’t running the Alaskan Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race here; he was walking one flight of stairs to meet his teacher. His jeans were baggy on him, which was confirmed by him putting his hands around his hips inside his jeans’ waistband, simultaneously pulling them down.
“Oh, no, you don’t. Keep your jeans on and get your snow pants on, too,” I fumed. Seriously, I thought to myself; it’s jeans. You’d think I’d asked my child to wear a suit and tie to school based on the tears flowing down his cheeks.
“I can’t do it. I just want a happy life.”
“Don’t we all, kid,” I murmured under my breath. He needed to surrender. My son finally raised the white flag, conceded to wearing jeans, sniffled, then got into the car with his backpack in one hand and a freshly toasted bagel in the other. Wasn’t a cream cheese filled bagel the key to a happy life on a cold, winter morning?
No sense of victory flowed through me, only defeat. I surrendered to the cruel voice in my head, shouting, “See, you lost your temper again. Way to be the mom of the year.”
Am I the only one hearing a critical voice when making mistakes and then surrendering to the belief that it’s true? I hope not.
My voice comes around so often; I gave her a name. World, meet Becky. Becky is the scathing voice pouring judgment down from her perfect perch. Becky’s voice mocks me that surrendering is for losers. “If you’re not number one, you’re the first loser,” she crows. Surrendering means defeat. It’s confirmation of being less than, not enough. Becky is the voice of the world. I was surrendering to the wrong voice.
Reading any parable in Jesus’ ministry, he shows us the opposite is true. Surrender isn’t for the weak loser; it’s for the strong warrior.
James 4:7 (ESV) states, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
Guess what, Becky? You’re the voice of my enemy. When I submit myself to God’s authority, the devil flees from me. Surrendering or submitting myself to God’s control comes with a price. The price is giving up the way I want to do things, the way I control my life or think I control my life. It means living in the unknown, doing what I believe God had called me to do while leaving the outcomes up to God.
Being out of control terrorizes my Type A personality. It’s an illusion I’ve clung to my entire life. I’ve got this. Everything’s fine. All good. Nothing to see here.
I’m allowing Becky’s voice to criticize me and take me down. See, when it’s all up to me, I take all the responsibility. Good or bad. When I surrender the outcomes up to God, He’s responsible for it all. I’m along for the ride.
However, I’m not a passive passenger on this journey. God asks all of us to be part of spreading the Good News. The Good News of eternal life, forgiveness, and loving our neighbors and enemies. It’s part of our calling.
Have you given yourself permission to lay your calling and all that entails down to God? What do you need to surrender? Share it in the comments below so we can encourage you and pray for you.