Lack of time. Lack of opportunity. Lack of money. These are all excuses I have used to not stay present in relationships. All of these statements come from a place of lack rather than a place of abundance or even from a place of being enough.
God wants us to come from a place of presence and trust, even in our earthly relationships. This is hard to do because when we open ourselves up to others, there is a high probability of getting hurt or disappointed. On the flip-side, there is also the possibility of discovery something amazing in the other person that completes you.
This doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship either. I’ve learned strength and tenacity from my girlfriends because I’ve watched them go through events which gave me the courage to do things in my life I believe God wanted me to do but I didn’t think were possible.
My first marriage was not healthy and without getting into specifics, I heard from multiple girlfriends it was time to get out and if I wouldn’t do it for me, then I need to do it for my kids. I wanted to be present and committed to my first marriage but I learned the other person must be present too.
After consulting not only my pastor, but a pastor from other church who didn’t know me or my circumstances, weekly counseling sessions for a year and discussions with an amazing lawyer, I decided it was time to let the relationship go. Please know, I didn’t make this decision lightly. It was the result of many hours of prayer and petitioning on my knees to God asking for the circumstances in my marriage to change.
When I let go of this relationship, it allowed God to restore me, my children and eventually open up my life to an amazing man who wanted to be present in our relationship and with our children. The sacrifices my husband has made in the last seven years of our marriage can’t even touch to the limited sacrifices my exhusband made in 12 years of togetherness. My point isn’t to compare my two marriages, but to demonstrate how God shows us His love even through difficult times. God wants us to have amazing, fulfilling relationships here on earth because it’s a glimpse into what is awaiting with an eternal relationship with Him.
However, we are human and make mistakes that hurt other people but these mistakes, especially the unintentional ones, can be prevented by being more present and a little less perfect. This is really saying, we need to be authentic and gentle with one another to nurture our relationships.
Authentic is a buzz word right now, but it seems people can use it to be hurtful rather than embracing true authenticity. People throw emotional arrows at another person’s heart with the claim of it being done in authenticity. In our relationships, being present and authentic has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with us and God.
We can only be present in relationships when we are present with God. Hear me out on this. God is the ultimate example of being present. He’s always ready, willing and able to listen to our prayer requests. He might not answer them the way we like, but He is always present with us.
Can I say the same about my relationships? Absolutely not. In the loud, noisy world, it’s hard to concentrate and stay connected with one person, let alone a group of my girlfriends. When I have an opportunity to be with another person, my voice of authenticity is asking me to listen to their dreams, hurts and struggles to make a difference in their lives. This is my commitment to being present in our relationship.
Do you have a way of being present in relationships? Share it in the comments below to encourage others.