Author: Kris Valdez

Over the course of the last month, we’ve been talking about getting around to doing rather than doubting. What happens if you have everything knocked out, we’re all set to go and our heart isn’t into the task?

This is more than I don’t feel like it. This is more than being tired and needing rest to fill our souls.

I’m talking about when a heart is wounded from past failures or hurts we didn’t deserve or betrayal of those close to us we weren’t expecting. It’s having a heart with a wound so deep it doesn’t seem like it will ever be whole again.

There was a time in my life when I didn’t think my heart would be whole. Ever.

During my divorce the venom and insults coming from the other side felt like I was getting my heartbroken over and over again whenever we had a mediation or court date to negotiate our separation agreement. I couldn’t understand how someone who swore to love, honor, and cherish me 10 years earlier with now tearing apart everything we built together piece-by-piece.

To say my heart was wounded would be an understatement. It felt more like it was being ripped out, stomped on, and then run over a few times. It seems beyond comprehension that my life had come to this point.

Even when we think all hope is lost, God is there, waiting in the wings to pick us up, dust off our heart and provide a word of encouragement to move forward. The Bible promises in Roman 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Often this verse is quoted to us when we’re going through a season of pain or misunderstanding, wondering where God is in the midst of our chaos or trial. When is God going to show us the reason for our heartache?

Unfortunately, it might not become known to us until we arrive in heaven. However, there are times when we can see how a difficult time has grown or shaped us.

In the case of my divorce, in a few months after my year long divorce process was finalized, I met my future husband. Even though my heart was still healing from the bruises of what I thought would be my happily ever after, I met a man who demonstrated the patience and love needed to date my quirky self.

I believe God brought him into my life to show me what a selfless love looks like, to pour into someone else until they are overflowing with emotional support. As amazing as this relationship started out, it was ultimately God who showed me how He alone could heal my heart. He healed my heart through the following two ways.

Friendships: Yes, we have a relationship with God but He also allows people to step in and demonstrate His love to us. During this time of heartbreak, my friendships filled me up and put something back into my life that I didn’t know I was missing – hope. I had tried reading the Psalms, which of course are positive and we see the struggle of David in times of trouble. But, there is something about the strength of a real life friendship to hold our hand as God begins the healing of our hearts. It’s as if He has provided an extension of His heavenly kingdom through the graces provided by friends. Proverbs 18:24 says, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Strangers: Growing up we learned about stranger danger. I even teach this concept to my kids. But, my kids prefer to believe in the motto that there are no strangers only friends they haven’t met yet. My youngest will pretty much tell anyone we meet about his day. He has kept people in line at the grocery store entertained while I unload our cart regaling them with his tales of awesome. I hope his storytelling brings a smile to those around us in the crazy, beeping check out line at the end of their work day.

Instead of stranger danger, God can bring strangers into our lives to heal our hearts.

When I was a single mom, to say money and time were tight would be an understatement. My very sweet friend hired a wonderful woman to clean my house for the day. It was an unexpected treat to have a spotless house, even if the moving boxes still cluttered my living room. When I went to say goodbye and give this woman a giant thank you, she proceed to tell me a few suggested cleaning products and tools I’d need to keep my home shiny and clean. Right in the middle of my note taking, she stopped and asked if I was a writer.

My pencil stopped moving across the page and I asked her, “Why?” I thought she might have seen one of my many journals or even a draft of a book I’d been tinkering with, but I couldn’t think of anything I’d left out for her to see.

She answered me with “God wants you to be writer and you have a gift of writing.”

I almost burst into tears on the spot. See, I had a business for five years writing magazine articles, marketing copy, advertising taglines, and consulting on other people’s copy for marketing.

I knew it wasn’t exactly what God was calling me to do, but it was the scratch to my writer’s itch and it paid my bills. Then, with the swoosh of a judge’s pen and my willingness to turn the business over to my ex husband, my writing business was gone. I thought this was God’s way of saying my writing was done.

It wasn’t my path. I had been hearing the call to writing wrong all these years. The dream of being a writer, being a storyteller was dead. My heart was broken again.

Then God brought a Christian stronger than me into my life to speak words of hope and truth which I’ve clung to in times when I’ve begun to doubt my dream. I had put a period, where God had put a comma.

Sometimes we doubt ourselves or believe those around us are encouraging our dreams out of obligation . So God provides strangers, people with nothing to gain from our encouragement into our lives. This stranger, who I thought was only there to clean my home, instead healed my heart.

I want to encourage you if you hear God asking to use your words of grace and healing on someone else, even if it makes no sense to you, do it.

I’ve had the opportunity to be both on the receiving end and the giving end of kindness with strangers. Most of the time, the giving has been even more rewarding than the receiving. It has allowed me to be a part of hearing someone else’s heart.

How has God healed your heart? Share it in the comments below to encourage others.

Results. We are a results-driven society. It seems that if we don’t have something to show for our efforts, then there was no reason to go through the process. I’ve wanted to hold God to an agreement. If I do step A, B, and C, then He’ll come through with step D.

Unfortunately, God doesn’t work like that. He’s more interested in the process of changing my heart than in the end results of the effort. I might not ever see the reward on this side of heaven for all my efforts and I need to ask myself, “Am I okay with that? Will I still be happy, content, and fulfilled with the journey God has me on even if I don’t get the result I want?”

Some days these questions are hard for me to swallow. My efforts on certain projects at the office go unnoticed, but God knows. I carefully craft words to share with the world for encouragement to answer the calling I feel God has placed on my life. Then only my friends and family read it, but God sees my obedience.

The bottom line is, am I okay with only God seeing what I am doing or do I need the results and recognition I crave to be happy with God? Am I content to trust him as my Adventure Director or do I need to direct the path and inform God the way things should go? When I see it in writing, I wonder, who do I think I am telling the God of the universe what to do? But, I’m embarrassed to admit, I do it more often than not.

My worth, my efforts are tied up in the results I expect rather than the ones God wants to give me. I’ve found time and time again that God’s gifts are infinitely better than anything I can imagine for myself. So what will it take for me to let go of the results?

Here are a few steps I’m taking.

1. Keep an answered prayer journal. When I look back on all the ways God has blessed me by answering my prayers and ways I haven’t even thought of asking, it increases my faith that He has not left me. Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
2. Keep a gratitude journal. Every night I write down five things I’m grateful for. This practice started because I bought a planner. I’m a sucker for a colorful, beautifully designed planner. Anyway, when it arrived in the mail, I quickly realized it wasn’t going to meet my needs for work. I couldn’t return it, so I thought it would collect dust on my shelf. When I was driving home from work and the DJ on the radio shared how he wrote down one positive thing in his calendar every day. It sparked the idea to write down things I’m grateful for every day in this journal that was sitting on my shelf. The journal had five lines for each day of the week so I decided to write down five things everyday. The stipulation I put on myself is that each entry had to be new. For example I couldn’t write thank you for bringing my family home safe today. While I am grateful for that everyday, it limits what I look for to write in my gratitude journal. At the end of the year, I should have 1,825 things written down. I say should because I missed two days this year because I have a stomach flu. It’s hard to think, write and be grateful when you’re lying on your bathroom floor. Those sick days aside, I’ve been writing in my gratitude journal every day since the beginning of January. As far as I know I haven’t repeated a single phrase of thanks. Each day, God shows me different ways to thank him, even in the day to day minutiae of life. I realize there’s always something to be thankful for everyday. This gratitude has allowed me to release the results of my efforts.

Are there areas of your life where you need to release results? Share in the comments below to encourage others.

Last week we talked about Getting Into Motion and how I overcame my fear in the flash-over chamber to earn my shield as a firefighter.

Even though I doubted my abilities, my Lieutenant thought I was ready to check off this task, but I needed some help to get through it.

There is an old saying, “Many hands make light work.” There is also the Bible verse in Proverbs 15:2 (NIV), which says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

There is no such thing as a self-made person. Every person on the planet has had help in some way or another. Even if they don’t know it. Sometimes we don’t see the spiritual realm working on our behalf.

Just as my lieutenant was there to support me when I didn’t know if I could move forward, find someone to help you move forward in catching your dreams. It might be a friend, family member or a mentor in your community. If none of those fit the bill, consider hiring a coach to help guide you where you want to go.

In my case, that Lieutenant has been supporting my dream for the last seven years of our marriage. Once you found your support system of person it’s time to do the tough stuff.

Do you have a support system in place for your dreams? Share it in the comments below.

Dreams come at a cost. The price we pay is up to us. There is a cost to doubting our dreams will come to pass and losing faith.

Without faith and believing in doubt, we stop doing the small steps to catching our dreams, not just chasing them. When we believe the lies, rather than the truth, we stop the amazing work God has called us to do. Proverbs 13:12 (NIV), says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

What happens when we defer our Dream? Our hearts become sick. The heart is the Wellspring of Life. Proverbs 4:23 (NLT), says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

Our heart is essential to life, relationships and to pursuing our dreams. If our hearts are in a figurative life support and we’ve stopped doing anything towards refining our dreams or taking steps to pursue them, we are making ourselves sick – sometimes physically and sometimes emotionally.

So how do we stop doubting and start doing?

The next four weeks we are going to talk about getting through being doubtful and getting into action. Those steps are: Getting into Motion, Getting Support, Do the Tough Stuff First, and Release Results.

Getting Into Motion:
We all have fear. This is hardly a news flash, but the best way to combat fear and doubt is to get moving. Think about a situation where you had fear and did it anyways. For me, this took place almost every time I pulled a shift at the fire station. Those who don’t know, I used to be a firefighter. It’s how I met my current husband and the story of overcoming my doubt is actually the day I met my husband.

I had been with the fire district for three weeks when I called up on a Saturday morning to see if anyone could train me. A firefighter couldn’t run calls until they had completed their Probie Task Book. Essentially, by completing the task book, it shows that you know enough not to get yourself or those around you hurt or killed.

The lieutenant who answered the phone said, “Sure, we’re doing flashover training, I’m sure you’re ready for it.”

I hung up the phone not at all sure what flashover training entailed, but I was game for anything to get my Probie Shield so I could start running calls with the rest of the crew. There are hours of training that must be completed before you earn a seat on the truck.

Normally the flashover training comes later, but it’s not something they did often because of the resources it takes to make the training happen. So this Lieutenant had the opportunity and decided to throw me in the fire.

Literally.

I got geared up and the Lieutenant checked over my gear before he put me in the metal shipping container they were planning to set on fire with us in it. Now, as cool as this sounds, this exercise serves two purposes.

First, to see if you can take the heat. Some of the guys in my training class had one go in the flashover chamber and quit on the spot.

The second, if you can you see the signs fire gives off before it flashes over. A flashover is almost always of death sentence so it’s important to see the signs.

On this day, after my gear check, I knocked my regulator off my mask as I walked into the metal box. Getting a regulator connected while wearing stucture gloves isn’t the easiest task. The fear must have shown on my in my eyes because this nice Lieutenant, helped me re-attach my compressed air and asked me if I’d like him to come in with me. My regulator nearly came off my mask again with how vigorously I was bobbing my head up and down in the affirmative.

Not only did I make it through the flashover chamber, but when I took off my mask, I had a huge smile on my face when I walked out. I had known my fear and did the task anyway because my end goal required me to go through the process.

Another firefighter saw my smile and said, “Looks like we have another lifer.” While injuries have currently sidelined my firefighting duties, I still remember the feeling of overcoming my fear.

Are there tasks on the way to your dream that need to be done and fear is keeping you from them?

Share it in the comments below so we can encourage you.

Do you know the difference between thriving and striving? Even though they sound similar, they couldn’t be further in meaning from each other.

I strive.

I admit it.

Striving is my natural inclination. If something is not happening the way or in timing I think it should, then it’s up the superhero, “Fix it, Kris.” I’m not really a superhero, but I play one in my mind. I take on what I don’t need to for my dream to come to pass.

Yes, you guessed it, this normally comes to a miserable outcome.

When I say miserable, it isn’t world shattering apocalyptic level miserable, but it normally makes me grumpy and irritable because I’m doing my “To Do List” under my own power rather than trusting God’s guidance. This creates a wife, mom and friend who’s not much fun to be around. It’s a pretty picture I’m painting here, right?

The flip side is thriving. There is a sweet sound to this word. Reviewing my to do list at a God given pace. Doing things in His timing rather than mine. Going with His flow, if you will, How does this make my day look instead of rushing from one thing to another?

Please indulge me as I provide an example of when I’m striving in a typical day which goes something like this. I open my eyes to a sun-filled room. Realizing I slept through my alarm, thankfully only by 15 minutes. Instead of having time to workout and have a quiet time before work, I dash to my spot on the couch and ask God to calm my racing heart and fill up my empty places depleted from the grind of yesterday in an abbreviated fashion.

“Quickly, please, God,” I pray. “Make me whole so I can survive another day.”

Not exactly the embodiment of Psalms 46:10 which states, “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

The rest of the day is more of the same. Meetings and projects feel rushed and half done, with half the effort because I’m racing off to the next office fire drill. I come home to see my family nicely dressed up as realization dawns that I’ve forgotten one of my kids has a performance at school.

It’s in that moment, I admit I haven’t communicated with God once today asking for peace, direction or discernment. My stressed out demeanor shows it. The only positive for the day was I obtained my 10,000 steps on my Fitbit from running around. Not exactly type of exercise I was looking for.

Compare this with the day of thriving. I wake up in my alarm goes off because I went to bed at a reasonable hour instead of deciding it was a good idea to watch one more episode on Netflix. My day starts off on the couch with my Bible study app open to get my direction for the day and then I spend 30 minutes journaling my thoughts to God and listening for His response to record in my prayer journal.

I then go for a run outside or do a workout video at home depending on my mood and the weather which lifts my spirit even higher. I head off to work, refreshed and relaxed asking God to show me the most important task of the day and to equip me to handle the inevitable crises that will arise.

I ask for patience in working with clients and to show me how to love on them rather than view them as an interruption to my day. I come home with plans for dinner and my awesome husband called to remind me of the schedule for the evening, even though I actually had it on the calendar already. God knew I needed a double reminder.

The second scenario is how I wish my days always go but many times, I get Door Number 1 because I’m not listening to God’s leading me to bed at a reasonable hour or showing me what project to do next.

The point is, God doesn’t want us striving after our dreams. He wants to see us thriving in a close relationship with Him where our dreams natural unfold His timing.

Do you spend more time striving or thriving? How? Share in the comments below to encourage others.